Five tips to help you have an emotionally deep relationship with your partner
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October 29, 2023 - Janine Hesse
In my work as a relationship coach, it is often the case that women come to me and express a desire to establish a more intense emotional connection with their partners , but their partner is not ready to open up emotionally.
And that may actually be the case in many relationships, that men find it difficult to express their inner self and to confront their own feelings . But I often experience in my work that it is at least as difficult for women to stand 100% by their own feelings and to express them openly and honestly in the relationship.
In many relationships, this often unconsciously leads to high expectations of the partner and also all too quickly to doubts about the man and the relationship if deep conversations do not take place.
In this article, I will show you what you really need to build an emotionally deep relationship with your partner and what you can do to take your partner along on this journey .
1st tip - Pay attention to your way of communicating
The basis of every deep relationship is to speak openly and honestly with your partner about your own feelings, thoughts, wishes, desires, concerns, fears, etc. To show yourself truthfully with everything that belongs to you. Of course, you need absolute self-acceptance for this . Because only if you accept yourself with everything that belongs to you, and are not afraid of what your partner might think of you when you tell them certain things that mean something to you or that you are thinking about, can you open up to your partner and show yourself authentically .
Don't be afraid of your own feelings and dare to admit to unpleasant feelings. Because as soon as you suppress them and/or keep pushing them away, it is not possible to create an emotionally deep relationship . Then your conversations will only remain on the surface - and you would like to change that.
“In your conversations, make sure to actively listen to your partner.”
In many relationships, people rarely listen to each other properly and give quick, hasty answers. So pay attention to how good a listener you are.
Make sure that you are not distracted when your partner is telling you something. Ask questions about what he is talking about. Show empathy and understanding when he tells you things that are bothering him. This is the only way to create an emotionally deeper conversation between the two of you.
2nd tip - Consciously make time for each other
Spending time together is something that falls by the wayside in many relationships. Priorities are placed more on spending time with friends and family in their free time, rather than spending time alone together as a couple . Or work and all other obligations take up so much of your time that you hardly spend any time together and prefer to lie on the couch.
The length of the relationship also often influences the priority given to time spent together. Everyday life and habits that creep in over the years leave little room for small adventures or time just for the two of you.
But nothing strengthens and binds a relationship as much as spending time together . Even and especially when you have been going through life together for many years.
And if you think that you hardly have time to plan big activities: it doesn't always have to be a big trip.
Even small activities are enough , such as a walk during the week or a small dinner in a restaurant.
Or the imaginative and funny file ideas from wildly , which are easy to use in everyday life.
“The quality of how you spend time together has a huge impact on your emotional connection.”
Spending time together ensures that you can give each other 100% attention during this time. We all need this attention because it is a natural, basic human need. And if you use this time to talk about what is currently bothering you, where the shoe pinches for each of you - what you want from each other, then not only will the need for attention be satisfied, but the trust in your relationship will also be strengthened. And trust is one of the most important keys to a relationship that is characterized by deep emotional connection.
Because only where there is trust am I willing to open up and show everything that belongs to me.
This may mean getting out of your daily routine and making new decisions to spend more time together
3. Tip Understanding and Empathy
One of the most important things for a deep emotional relationship is empathy and understanding for one another. Making an effort to really understand your partner and put yourself in their shoes and experiences is what allows for the depth of a relationship. Sometimes that isn't so easy because we may see certain things differently, cannot understand why our partner is affected now, or certain challenges are so demanding when, in our eyes, they aren't that bad. But asking what exactly this challenge is doing to your partner, why they feel that way, whether there is something you can help them with, will not only strengthen your relationship emotionally and give it the depth you want, but will also strengthen the trust in you as a couple.
“Pay attention to how much you are able to empathize with your partner in certain situations.”
Our brains are very quick to judge other people's feelings, intentions and actions. This fact alone often leads to us not giving our partner what is good for them in situations where they need our empathy.
Therefore, please reflect here and observe whether you sometimes quickly evaluate him and judge what he shares .
Or whether you can quickly come up with a solution, even though your partner just wants to communicate with you. Wants to get rid of what is bothering him, upsetting him or annoying him.
Negatively evaluating what has been said, perhaps even condemning your partner for certain things, asking disparagingly why he or she decided that way or why it is his or her own fault that the situation is the way it is, does not help to create emotional depth in the relationship.
We are often not even aware that we do not express empathy and understanding in our relationships, or that we do so poorly. Yet it is so important for a fulfilling, healthy relationship on equal terms.
Because as soon as empathy enters your relationship, not only does your emotional closeness to one another change, but the likelihood of building a long-term and, above all, stable, healthy relationship increases. You feel understood and loved on a completely different level. This in turn means that you have far fewer conflicts with one another and can enjoy your relationship in a completely different way.
4. Tip Support and Care
What importance do these two values have in your relationship? Do you both enjoy being supportive and caring in your relationship?
Do you show your partner that you are there for him? And unconditionally . How do you behave when he makes decisions that affect him personally and would make him happy ? Do you support him in this? Are you there for him and encourage him to pursue and achieve his personal goals?
Even if that sometimes means having to take on more household chores for a certain period of time or having less time together as a couple?
Being prepared to support your partner 100% at this point will also bring you closer together as a couple. This is because there are challenges along the way that can be solved together with your partner, and as a strong pillar at your side you play a big part in encouraging and strengthening your partner.
Even small everyday gestures of care, such as a hug or a loving message, show your partner how much he or she means to you. This also strengthens your emotional connection to one another.
“Knowing that someone is by your side to support you can reduce stress levels.”
We all have it in our everyday lives -> stress . And stress is inevitable at certain points in life. Knowing that there is someone at my side who will support me, who I can open up to 100% and who is there for me makes it so much easier to overcome certain difficult situations and challenges in my own life .
Being willing to be there for each other as a couple not only strengthens the bond between you both. Your mental health and self-esteem are also strengthened through care and support. And if you ask me, that is one of the most important issues in our society. Mental health in particular is a big issue that we can strengthen within a partnership through love . And that is great.
By being willing to care for and support each other, you will be able to resolve conflicts in your relationship better . As a couple, you will approach your problems and their solutions in a completely different way. You can speak openly about problems that arise or are bothering you.
As you read, caring and supportiveness in a relationship is a big part of experiencing emotional depth in a relationship.
5. Tip Common interests and goals
This tip is sometimes not so easy to implement in a relationship. Because if you both have different interests and goals, it can cause a lot of dissatisfaction in the relationship. Is that a reason to break up ? If you ask me, no!
Of course, it also depends on the goals you have as a couple. Because sometimes you have such different ideas about life that you have to go your separate ways if you can't agree.
But do you always have to have the same common goals to be happy as a couple?
No! Another important point is to set your own goals that you want to achieve as an individual.
As a couple, you can motivate and support each other really well, even if it's just your own goals and not shared goals.
In my relationship , we are both so different that we have to look for common interests and our personal goals also go in different directions, which each of us approaches for ourselves.
But what I have learned in almost 20 years of being in a relationship is that if you as a couple really have few common interests that you share, then you can happily start looking for things that you would enjoy doing together.
Here you can also be willing to try new things again and again. See what things there are that you can only do as a couple and that you can really enjoy as a couple.
The world and the internet are full of inspiration and ideas. This means sometimes you have to step out of your usual path and try something new.
"If you think you are not suited to each other because you do not have any common interests, and many people always say that you do not have or can not have a future together, then I can reassure you."
You can still be very happy with your partner.
Because your attitude towards your differences and individuality will ultimately decide whether you are both ready to meet on a deep emotional level.
Whether you are ready to accept yourself 100% as you are.
Because that is also part of a relationship that is characterized by depth.
To let each other be . And you can do that by stopping judging your partner and trying to shape them according to your ideas and expectations.
Because this type of relationship definitely does not lead to a relationship in which emotional depth occurs.
Because depth in a relationship arises above all when we are allowed to be ourselves in our love relationship. When we have someone at our side who loves us the way we are .
Who loves us as we are and not only when we are the way our partner would like us to be.
Of course, this is not always easy. But it is not impossible either.
And if you really honestly and truthfully decide to be willing to learn with your partner how relationships work and what it takes to experience emotional depth in the relationship, then all of this is not only doable, but also learnable.
The decision to tackle this with your partner and to learn is also in your hands.
Because especially when it comes to strengthening trust in the relationship by treating your partner as equals and lovingly, that is already half the battle, which takes you and your relationship to another level.
A level that will sooner or later lead to a much deeper and emotional relationship between you.
And the deep and emotional connection between you ultimately ensures that you have a trusting relationship that allows you to enjoy your time together as a couple, instead of just spending it in stress and arguments or living side by side.
Try the above points for your relationship and you will see what changes will occur.
In love,
your Janine