Why you should maintain your authenticity and integrity if you want a relationship characterized by closeness and connection

August 27, 2023 - Janine Hesse

In a romantic relationship, we all want nothing more than to feel truly close and connected to our partner. We want to feel that we are loved. We want our partner to show interest in us and to be there for us when we need them.

We want to honestly share our thoughts and feelings without fear of being judged or rejected. We want our partner to be able to respond to us empathetically and for us to accept and respect each other with all our strengths and weaknesses.

We all share this with one another because the need for closeness and connection is a basic human need, which above all provides a lot of security and safety within a relationship.

And although it is a basic need for all of us, I think it is almost a phenomenon that it is a great challenge for many couples to maintain this closeness and security, which we often give each other for hours when we are in love, in the long term in their relationship.

But why is that? Why doesn't it just happen on its own? After all, we love each other!

I can tell you: In many partnerships, two crucial values , which ensure much more closeness and connection in the relationship, often unfortunately play a rather subordinate role, or no role at all.

Two crucial values ​​that ensure that you not only build more closeness and connection in your relationship, but that you both also strengthen your trust in the relationship.

This is about your authenticity and integrity within the relationship with your partner.

Authenticity and integrity are both important values ​​that help you be genuine and honest in your relationship. By being authentic , you show your partner who you really are, without pretending or hiding feelings, thoughts, or anything else. Integrity means that you are honest and respectful with your partner while maintaining your personal values ​​and boundaries.

It also means that each partner takes responsibility for his or her own behavior and is willing to work on themselves instead of blaming the other for being unhappy or dissatisfied.

These two values ​​strengthen the connection and trust in your relationship and create a safe environment in which both partners can be open and honest with each other.

What this looks like in practice

How true do you stay to yourself? How authentic are you in your feelings, thoughts and beliefs ? Do you tend to hold back? Or do you speak openly and honestly with your partner? Do you show your true personality ? Or do you hide behind a facade to meet other people's expectations and avoid rejection or criticism?

Can you stand up for yourself, even when things get uncomfortable? Do you stay true to your principles and values, even if that means you have to resist temptation? Or do things get uncomfortable for you?

Do you adhere to your own moral principles? That is, do you hold yourself to what you believe to be right or wrong?

And aren't you just a moralizer who talks big when you're being watched, but as soon as you're alone, you throw everything you've said to others overboard? Or do you not do what you tell others to do?

A sentence I hear again and again

I really want more deep conversations with my partner

Do you also find yourself saying this because you both only discuss everyday things and/or superficialities in your relationship, but you wish you had more deep conversations?

Do you want that, but are not ready to really open up to your partner in depth?

Are you not ready to take an honest look at yourself and see what feelings, challenges, fears, etc. are lurking inside you? Do you avoid many emotions and just function in your life instead of feeling?

If that's the case, then do yourself a big favor and stop expecting your partner to do things for you because you can't.

Be clear about what exactly it means for you when you want deep conversations? What is behind your desire for that? What exactly do you want to know from your partner?

If you truly want more closeness and connection in your relationship, then you will not be able to avoid authenticity and integrity.

You will have no choice but to take off the mask you have put on more and more.

You will not be able to avoid expressing your pure vulnerability to your partner.

I mentioned it briefly above: once you decide to live your true authenticity and integrity, you build the greatest foundation in your relationship -> trust .

Trust is simply the basis for everything in your relationship. The starting point for both of you to really show yourselves in the relationship. With everything that belongs to you. With every fear, every challenge, with every vulnerability and everything that lies dormant within you.

Trust ensures that we will be able to forgive, forgive mistakes and continue to grow together as a couple. Because mistakes are inevitable in a relationship.

It also regulates how you deal with your own boundaries in the relationship - boundaries that you dare to express and that you also accept from the other person.

Another advantage , which brings you authenticity and integrity in your relationship: You not only radiate reliability in your relationship, but you are dependable and, above all, easy for your partner to assess .

He knows where he stands with you and can therefore express himself in a completely different way because he feels a completely different kind of security between you.

This security will allow him to open up to you in a completely different way over time. You can talk about other topics that concern you both. You will have the courage to share things that you have kept secret from each other until now.

In an interpersonal relationship, there are only advantages to being truly honest and authentic with your partner

You will see that if you are honest and authentic, with your own values ​​and goals in your relationship, your partner will be able to respond to you in a completely different way. He can support you in a completely different way at one point or another if you have set yourself certain goals that you cannot achieve on your own and need his support.

The advantage , especially in the long term: if he clearly knows your values, knows what is important to you because it is a value that really defines you, then he can get involved with you in a completely different way, even if he does not share this value. You can learn from each other in a completely different way. Especially if you pick apart your values ​​for yourselves and tell the other person why this value means something to you in your life and what exactly you understand by it.

This will not only enable you to interact with each other in a completely different way, but will also enable you to be full of curiosity and want to understand each other's world . This can make your topics in your relationship completely different because you can ask each other questions about them and really get to know each other properly. This will help you even more to let the other person be who they are.

More understanding between and about each other leads to far fewer misunderstandings

This also reduces your potential for arguments. Because if you understand each other, there will be fewer misunderstandings and you will treat each other with much more respect.

The most beautiful thing about authenticity: it allows you to show your true feelings . To express yourself the way you really feel.

And now you might be thinking: “Yes, I’m already doing that! I’m living it to the fullest! I’m showing myself authentically with everything I feel.

If my partner annoys me, then I show him that. If I am stressed by my partner , then I show him that. If he makes me angry , then I show him that too.”

Yes, you are authentic then too. But in many relationships, communication is more likely to be based on accusations and expectations . There are big arguments because two opinions clash. Two egos want to be right and don't want to be personally attacked, instead of talking about what the real problem is in the heart.

For example, if you feel neglected , don't get enough attention from your partner, or wish you could spend more time together, you might be more likely to say: "We never do anything together. You're always working so much."

Instead of honestly showing your partner your vulnerability and telling him that it makes you sad. Describe to him what feeling is coming up inside you and tell him what this feeling means. To do this, you must of course first learn to really perceive your own feelings and not just react to them when they overwhelm you.

The key to overcoming negative feelings in relationships is communication

These negative feelings are inevitable in a relationship. On the contrary, in many relationships negative feelings are more common than positive ones.

And that's exactly why it's important that you are open and honest with yourself and then express them. Even if you 're afraid of what your partner might think or that he or she might not understand you or understand what your problem is.

As soon as you dare to show yourself to be truly vulnerable , your partner can respond to you in a completely different way. It is always important to plan the right moment and not to argue in passing . Because with more time and the right atmosphere, such issues in the relationship can be resolved in a completely different way. And in the end, that also leads to more closeness and connection. Even if it sometimes takes a little time to get there in a relationship.

Another great advantage of living authenticity and integrity in your relationship is that your relationship will be stable in the long term . Because if you don't have to pretend and your partner accepts you as you really are, you can not only grow together through challenges , but also each of you can grow individually outside of the relationship.

This stability ensures better communication between you, more flexibility in your interactions and a completely different willingness to compromise. You will also notice how you can accept your differences in a completely different way and support each other even in difficult times.

Mutual support in the partnership helps you find a way to develop your potential

You get to know each other's strengths and weaknesses and can support each other in their individual growth processes in a completely different way.

And that is incredibly valuable for you as a couple. Because there is nothing better than supporting each other in a relationship and ensuring that your partner can live up to their full potential . Regardless of whether you are the female partner or your partner.

The prerequisite for this is, of course, that you want it. That it is important to you, that your partner does what makes him happy. And above all, that you also want to be happy and do things in your life that fulfill you.

That you are there for him and he is there for you unconditionally . Simply because it is really important to you that you both live out your love for each other together.

Because that ensures pure acceptance.

And pure acceptance ultimately creates a great deal of closeness and connection between you.

Because only those who really show themselves as they are in a relationship have the pleasure of experiencing what it means to be loved as they really are.

With all its strengths, with all its weaknesses. With all its vulnerable sides. With all the unpleasant feelings and fears that spread so much in one's life .

Allow yourself and your partner to enjoy this

Allow yourself to show yourself in your relationship with your partner, with everything that belongs to you.

I know that sometimes it is not so easy to stand up for yourself. Sometimes it is not so easy to show everything that belongs to you. Especially when you are ashamed of certain things or do not know how to express what is slumbering inside you.

But if you start to show yourself step by step and really open up in your relationship, you will see how it becomes more and more easier.

When you start to confront yourself and truly live your authenticity and integrity, you will see that it becomes easier and easier for you to stand up for yourself, with everything that belongs to you.

Even with the things that you still reject about yourself.

And the best thing about it is that when you start living your true authenticity, when you live your life with integrity, you will be able to let your partner be exactly as he is in many areas . Because what you allow yourself, you automatically allow your partner to do. This will not only make you much more relaxed in your relationship, but the entire energy in your partnership will change.

And that will create so much closeness and connection between you that not even a leaf will fit between you.

This will allow you to make much more use of your time together as a couple, to enjoy it and to understand each other much better.

Try it and you will see how much will change along the way.

In love
Your Janine